It’s Thanksgiving week here in the States, and many thought leaders and friends on social media will be posting about the many things that they’re grateful for.
They’ll probably be asking you what you’re thankful for as well.
Taking time to reflect on what we are thankful for is essential to fulfillment and effectiveness in all areas of life.
I believe in, encourage, and am totally on board with an attitude of gratitude!
However, if you know anything about me as a coach, I’m also here to challenge you and mess with your thinking in service of your growth as a leader, as an entrepreneur, as a business owner…as a human.
Oftentimes in my coaching, I like to explore contrarian and counterintuitive viewpoints.
I don’t do this simply to stir the pot for the heck of it; I do it because a contrarian perspective often leads to deeper insights and self-introspection that can help propel you forward in creating whatever it is you wish to create in your not-so-distant future.
With that said, as we embrace Thanksgiving, let’s take a detour to explore the downside of gratitude.
Before you gasp and clutch your gratitude journal, let me clarify: I’m not here to tell you to abandon gratitude or that it’s inherently bad. Gratitude has countless proven benefits—enhancing mental health, strengthening relationships, and even boosting resilience. But, like anything, when taken to an extreme or misapplied, gratitude can have unintended consequences.
Here’s what I mean.
Gratitude can sometimes become a trap for complacency. When we’re overly focused on being thankful for what we have, we may lose the drive to go after what we really want. Think about it: how many times have you stopped yourself from reaching higher because you thought, “I should just be grateful for what I already have”? While appreciation for the present is powerful, it can unintentionally tether us to the status quo and stop us from dreaming bigger.
Gratitude can also lead to toxic positivity, a term you might recognize. It’s the idea that we should always focus on the good, even when things are hard or unjust. For example, you might be encouraged to “be grateful you have a job” even if the job is draining your soul. Gratitude, in this context, can be weaponized to invalidate legitimate feelings of dissatisfaction or the desire for change.
Gratitude can also be used to dismiss or silence others. When people say, “You should be grateful for what you’ve got—others have it so much worse,” it might come from a well-meaning place, but it can trivialize pain and minimize struggles. Instead of uplifting, this approach can stifle vulnerability and leave others feeling unheard.
So, where does this leave us? Should we throw out gratitude with the Thanksgiving leftovers?
Absolutely not. Instead, let’s reframe how we approach it.
Gratitude is a tool—a powerful one—but it’s not the only tool in your toolbox.
It’s okay to be grateful for what you have and hungry for more. It’s okay to acknowledge the good and call out what isn’t working. It’s okay to be thankful and to want change.
This Thanksgiving, as you reflect on what you’re grateful for, I invite you to go one step further. Ask yourself:
- What am I grateful for, and what more do I desire?
- What am I thankful for, and where am I settling?
- How can I practice gratitude without losing sight of the growth I still crave?
Gratitude and ambition, appreciation and self-awareness—these are not opposing forces. When held in balance, they can work together to create a fuller, richer, more meaningful life.
So yes, take a moment to express your thanks this week. But don’t be afraid to challenge the narrative of gratitude. Sometimes, the most profound growth comes not from saying, “I’m grateful for this,” but from daring to ask, “What’s next?”
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