What needs to be said that you’re not saying?
Some of the most impactful coaching conversations I’ve ever had happen when I ask powerful questions about what is not being said.
A coach is a mirror who reflects back to you not only what he sees, but what you often choose not to see. Just because you’re choosing not to see what is in front of you, doesn’t mean it’s not there.
I was recently working with a CFO of a national nonprofit organization who was expressing some of her challenges with her colleagues. As she was speaking, I felt her frustration and noticed her tense body language.
As she was about to continue sharing more of the details of what happened, I interrupted… (In the beginning of a coaching agreement, the coach & client both agree and understand that interruptions may occur for the purpose of serving the client.)
I said, “Let me interrupt you here. Thank you for sharing the details of what happened, yet I think there’s something deeper going on here. What’s this really about?”
She replied with a slight sigh and chuckle, “Yes, there is…but I’m not sure what it is.”
“Well…what do you need to say that you’re not saying?”
There was a long powerful pause.
“I feel like they don’t respect me.”
I trusted my intuition to hold some more silence.
She continued, “Wow, I’ve never said that before.”
“What’s it like to say it out loud?”
We continued the coaching session exploring what respect meant to her, her emotions around respect, her thoughts around respect, and what action she wanted to take around respect.
This led to some transformative conversations with her team as it was revealed that each member of the team had varying relationships with, and even definitions of, respect.
If you desire to have more success with fulfillment, learning, and growth for you and those around you, what would happen if you say what you’re not saying?
What is possible for you and your team if you stop focusing on the details of what happened and dive into what this is really about?
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